Try to communicate with your partner.  Sharing your expectations, ideas and fears can be a first step; however remember that one person cannot be responsible for changing another.

Develop a safety plan.  Advocates for Family Peace works with women to develop safety plans.  They have information about existing programs, crisis phone lines and support groups available in the area.  In developing a plan it’s important to establish a supportive network of family and/or friends and to plan an escape route in case of an emergency.  Also, start taking care of yourself by making a list of things you do right or well.  Try attending a support group designed to strengthen you internally such as Advocates’ Women’s Empowerment Group.  

Get counseling.  Advocates can provide you with contact information for area mental health services, including women’s centers, support groups and private therapists.  Someone experienced with domestic violence may help you and your children deal with the psychological wounds of abuse and help you protect yourself from further violence.

Help the children understand.  Help them understand that violence is wrong and must be stopped.  Encourage them to seek outside friends and support.  Teach them to be safe, and help them understand their feelings of fear and/or anger.  Let them know they are not responsible for what is happening.

Have a plan in place.  Think about your options.  Make a plan to finish your education, if incomplete, and line up job training and employment contacts to help you find a way to support yourself.  Seek a means of transportation and work on finding housing.  At Advocates for Family Peace, we can help you with this and other planning.

Establish a record of abuse.  Keep a journal of battering in your relationship.  If the police are called, ask them to file a written report.  If medical attention is required, record the names of emergency room or medical staff who handle your case.  Write down dates and accounts of all abuse for future reference.  These records will be very important if you choose to pursue legal action.

Collect important papers.  Gather birth certificates and other important documents at a friend’s or relative’s house, and stow away money in a separate savings or checking account in your name.  Try to start your own credit history.  Leave an extra set of keys to your house and car with a friend in case of an emergency.  PLAN AHEAD.

Seek help.  In addition to Advocates for Family Peace, there are several local resources which can help you find the nearest emergency shelter for you and your children.  In Itasca County call First Call for Help 24 hours a day at (800) 442-8565 or (218) 326-8565 for a referral to an Advocate.  If it is an emergency call 911.  Please see the list of references at the end of this handbook for more resources.

Leave the home.  Stay in Advocates' Safe Emergency or Transitional Housing or with a friend or family member.  Getting out may be essential for you to get a perspective on what is happening to you and allow you the peace of mind necessary to make decisions about your future.